Frank J links to the new Serenity trailer (if you haven't seen the other one, it's available here). There's lot of the same scenes from the first trailer, but there's some cool new stuff too. Oh, and to Nate, though Jewel Staite (Kaylee) isn't featured prominantly in the trailer she is visible in at least one shot of the crew together on the bridge of Serenity. The only major character can't spot in either of the trailers is Shepherd, but all nine characters are listed as being in the movie on IMDB.

I know we have a decent number of Firefly fans on AfD, but for anyone who isn't familiar with it I say awesome things about the series here, here, and here.

by the Vandals

It's my birthday and I'll do what I want to - Fuck you it's my birthday. - A special holiday only for me, so do what I say, - it's my party, I'll make you cry if I want to...or leave. - Fuck you, it's not your birthday, so do what I say. - For 24 hours you're wishing me well - 364 days I'm in hell, Oh well. - Happy Birthday to me. - alone on my Birthday, - I'm going to Denny's 10 times today - No Tip! it's my birthday, so do what I say - How could you forget my birthday? - That's really immature - Fuck you for forgetting my birthday - you didn't do what I say - 24 hours no wishing well - now 365 days I'm in Hell, Oh well. - Happy Birthday to me. - Happy Birthday to me, Spank Me! - Oh well, Happy Birthday to me, - I can't believe you forgot my birthday - it's my birthday and you're wrecking it - now it's just like any other day - you didn't do what I say - How could you forget my birthday? - That's really immature...

I'm lazy and bored out of my mind tonight, so I decided to run a simulation of two lefties arguing with each other.

Left-Wad: You want to take away a woman's right to choice!
Left-Tard: You want to make it so that a woman can't have an abortron!
Left-Wad: You are a homophobia!
Left-Tard: That's racism!
Left-Wad: You're racism!
Left-Tard: You're against eating stem cells!
Left-Wad: You want to make it so Christopher Reeves doesn't has any cells or fetuses!
Left-Tard: The Downing Street Mentos proves it!
Left-Wad: Boosh lied about WMGNCXDs in Iraq!
Left-Tard: You support helping to hate crime the homeless!
Left-Wad: GM foods is a quagmire!
Left-Tard: Meat is martyrs!
Left-Wad: SUVs pollutes!
Left-Tard: Evangementalist Jesuslands are for taking over!

I... don't know.

Isn't it time for change? Isn't it time we had a new God? I say yes. Now let me explain to you why I would be ideal for the position of God

I think this whole "learning lessons" business is overrated. Vote for me and awesome things will happen all the time, for no reason, and none of us would ever learn a damned thing.

I'm sick and tired of this disturbing gap between poverty and plenty. So to set things right I will gather every musician and celebrity who performed at or in anyway was involved with Live 8, run them all through a meat grinder, then feed them to hungry Ethiopians.

Since I would be pro-actively running things here on Earth, there wouldn't be a whole lot of need for government. I wouldn't get rid of our politicians altogether, but I would instead put the current batch of Republicans in private sector jobs until they pay off the current deficits. The Democrats, who I suspect have no idea whatsoever how to perform a private sector job, would all be put in an NEA-funded performance theater, where their mind-numbing idiocy would be employed to our amusement rather than to our detriment.

Islamic fundamentalists and members of the Westboro Baptist Church would all be put in gay tolerence classes, and forced to perform gay-related role-playing. These groups would also be forced to role-play reversed gender roles, and Muslim men would be forced to wear burqas and be made eunuchs so that they better understand what female-circumcision is like.

Since my liberal tolerence has its limits, the people who participate in gay pride parades, and any/all of these other flamboyant, public sexual rituals (straight or gay) would all be deported to the Netherlands, and anyone involved in the S&M scene would be deported to Germany.

I would end the outsourcing of Earth positions to Heaven and Hell. Well, if I'm God I might outsource a few beautiful women to my Heavenly Kingdom, but I'm not too greedy, you'll still have plenty of hot babe-types here on Earth. In fact, if I'm God, there will be even more hot babes!

Also, I'd probably send Jesus back to Earth, but his miracles would be more delicious. For example, instead of handing out all that bread and fish, he would hand out donuts or have pizza parties. Also, instead of being a martyr he would form the most awesome Christian rock band ever conceived.

Every existing group or clique would be provided with one of those token black guys from 80's movies, who spouts off cheesey catch phrases that white people mistakenly believe to be things that black people actually say.

Cake would be naturally occurring.

I would take all reality shows, talk shows, sitcoms with laugh tracks, cheeseball dramas that take themselves seriously, soap operas, and entertainment news off of the airwaves. There would be a far superior new television line-up that would involve such instant classics as: Hippies Being Run Over by Mad Alchemist's '89 Buick Century Caught on Tape!, The 'That Old Guy Who Hangs Out at My School Library and tells 50-year-old Conspiracy Theories to the Librarian' Show, The 'a CCTV Hidden in Liz Hurley's Shower' Show, Randomly Punching People on the Street, and Plain Old Soft-Core Porn.

Dancing would either be forbidden or mandatory, I haven't decided yet.

Everytime that Lee from Right-Thinking opens a closet in his house he gets attacked by zombie Terri Schiavo.

My cat would be the pope.

Anyway, that's my platform. If you think it's about time we had a regime change in the Heavens, then vote for me this... um... November... I guess. I know that the current office-holder has already started running a negative campaign against me in the Bible, but hopefully you won't be swayed. Mad Alchemist for God in '05!

I'm learning a lot from this project on communism. For example, did you know that...

My government, on the basis of outrageous lies, is waging a murderous and utterly illegitimate war in Iraq, with other countries in their sights?

My government is openly torturing people, and justifying it?

My government puts people in jail on the merest suspicion, refusing them lawyers, and either holding them indefinitely or deporting them in the dead of night?

My government is moving each day closer to a theocracy, where a narrow and hateful brand of Christian fundamentalism will rule?

My government suppresses the science that doesn't fit its religious, political and economic agenda, forcing present and future generations to pay a terrible price?

My government is moving to deny women here, and all over the world, the right to birth control and abortion?

My government enforces a culture of greed, bigotry, intolerence and ignorance?

There is not enough room on a one page flyer for elaboration, citation of evidence, and supportive reasoning?

People look at all this and think of Hitler -- and they are right to do so. The Bush regime is setting out to radically remake society very quickly, in a fascist way, and for generations to come. We must act now; the future is in the balance.

-Your children are plotting against you, and trying to get their hands on their inheritance. Don't show them this fortune, or they will know that you're on to them.

-Your nurses are all plotting against you. They're trying to get their hands on your precious vital fluids. You're going to have to kill them first.

-It costs more to ride the bus than it did in 1925... Ah-wooooooooooo!

-Social Security reform.

-Are you telling me you're really going to trust your stupid doctor?

-You know that "For Sale" house next door to you? Some nigger family just bought it!

-I am the harvester of souls... I am coming for you...

-Medicaid won't cover that... Ah-woooooooooo!

-Erectile dysfunfction.

-If Roosevelt and Kennedy were alive today... they would be Republicans! Search your feelings... you know it to be true...

-You know who's up to something? Those fucking Japanese is who!

-Teenagers.

Earlier today I thought I saw some ghosts, so I started throwing rocks at them. It turned out they were actually just Muslim women in Burqas. I felt pretty stupid at first, but then they thanked me for sharing "Allah's love" with them, so I felt a little bit better about myself. Besides, they were probably a bunch of uncircumcised skanks anyway.

Then I went home and found out my lab results were back. It turns out I got AIDS from Magic Johnson. Tell me that isn't totally fucked up!

In an interpersonal communications class I am currently taking (it's mandatory for the associates degree) we today split into groups for a class project where we have to put ourselves in the place of another group or culture. The prof gave examples from previous classes she taught, where students dressed up as goths or homeless people and went to public places, and discovered what kind of reactions they got, and so forth. My group decided we might try dressing up as communists and handing out commie flyers to people. If any of you readers has any dress suggestions for looking like communists (I think I have a pretty good idea how commies dress, but any suggestions would be helpful), or if you know any websites I can do some light research on to make sure we have the rhetoric down I'd appreciate it. I have a pretty good idea what to go for, I mean I've sarcastically used communist rhetoric on this site before on many occasions. But, anyway, any websites or tips on being a communist anyone could send would be appreciated, even if I am already familiar with something it could at least be a good reminder for me to share that with my group. So, come on ladies and gents, let's help make me a communist.

If anybody is interested, I just added a bunch of new quotes to my random quote generator on the top of the right-hand column of the page. I have over 300 up now, so right-click your mouse anywhere on the page and 'view source' if you want to read them, or if you're inlcined to masochism go ahead and refresh the page a few hundred times.

by P.J. O'Rourke, from a June 1997 Cato conference in Shanghai, China (I know I need to just quit copy & pasting entire blogposts from smarter people than me, and I'm sure I will as soon as I have non-stupid ideas - MA)

It's important to remember that this is not a technocratic conference. We are not here primarily to discuss the "hows" and "whys" and "ifs" of Chinese economic development. On those subjects, more powerful people than we will have more important discussions than this. We are here to discuss ideas.

And the most important idea we are discussing is collectivism. I do not mean collectivism as it specifically applies to Chinese socialism. I mean collectivism as a general premise of almost all political systems in the world.

The foundation of collectivism is simple: There should be no important economic differences among people. No one should be too rich. No one should be too poor. We should "close the wealth gap."

This is a very powerful idea.

This is a very common idea.

This is a very bad idea.

"Gaps"--differences--are innate to mankind. Do we want to close the "beauty gap" and make every woman look like Margaret Thatcher? Do we want to close the "talent gap" and field a World Cup football team starring, for example, the people on this panel?

In a world without gaps we'd all be the same. We'd all be the same sex. Who'd get pregnant? We'd all know the same things. What would we talk about? We'd all have the same work. Some job that would be. We'd all get the same vacation. Five point seven billion people playing a game of volleyball--2.85 billion to a side. The idea of a world where all people are alike--in wealth or in anything else--is a fantasy for the stupid.

But proposing to close the "wealth gap" is worse than silly. It entails a lie. The notion of economic equality is based on an ancient and ugly falsehood central to bad economic thinking: There's a fixed amount of wealth. Wealth is zero-sum. If I have too many cups of tea, you have to lick the tea pot. But wealth is based on productivity. Productivity is expandable. Otherwise there wouldn't be any economic thinking, good or bad, or any tea or tea pots either.

Since the beginning of the industrial revolution human productivity has proven to be fabulously expandable. The economist Angus Maddison has been studying economic growth since the 1950's. In 1995, under the auspices of the Organization for Economic Co-Operation and Development, he published a book, Monitoring the World Economy 1820-1992. The earth had fewer natural resources and no more farm land in 1992 than it had in 1820 and in that period the earth's population multiplied by five. But, in 1990 U.S. dollars, the value of everything produced in the world grew from $695 billion in 1820 to almost $28 trillion in 1992 and the amount of that production per person went from $651 to $5,145.

A collectivist can hear these figures and claim they are just averages, claim they don't show who actually got that money. The collectivist can recite the old saying: "The rich get richer and the poor get poorer." But there is no statistical evidence of this. The United Nations Population Division's "World Population Prospects: 1996 Revision" contains past and present statistics on infant mortality and life expectancy at birth. And these figures don't present the same averaging problems as per capita world product. No matter how rich the elite of a country is, its members aren't going to live to be 250 and distort the averages. And if the few rich babies in a country live and the mass of poor babies in a country die, that country will not have a "normal" infant mortality rate but a very bad one. Infant mortality and life expectancy are reasonable indicators of general well-being in a society.

Besides giving figures for individual countries, the U.N. consolidates averages into three groups: "More Developed Regions," "Less Developed Regions," and "Least Developed Regions." The last meaning countries that are damn poor--Laos, Madagasgar, Chad. In the early 1950's the richer countries in the world had an average of 58 deaths per 1000 live births. They now have an average of 11. Over the same period the poorest countries went from 194 deaths per 1000 to 109. The "gap" was 136 dead babies 40 years ago and the "gap" is 98 dead babies now. This is still too many dead babies, of course, but the difference isn't increasing. The rich are getting richer but the poor aren't becoming worse off. They're becoming parents.

The same trend is seen in life expectancy. In the early 1950's people in rich countries had a life expectancy of 66.5 years. Now they live 74.2 years. In the poorest countries average lifespans have increased from 35.5 years to 49.7 years. The difference in life expectancy between the world's rich and poor has decreased by 6 1/2 years. The rich are getting richer. The poor are getting richer. And we're all getting older.

So, if wealth is not theft, if the thing that makes you rich doesn't make me poor, why don't collectivists concentrate on the question, "How do we make everyone wealthy?" Or better, "How have we been managing to do this so brilliantly since 1820?"

Why, instead, do collectivists concentrate on the question, "How do we redistribute wealth?"

And it is especially the collectivists in the non-socialist West who do this. Bill Clinton is more concerned with redistribution than anyone in the Chinese government.

Such collectivism is, I think, not only silly and untruthful but immoral.

The Ten Commandments in the Old Testament of the Bible are very clear about this.

Now the Bible might seem to be a strange place to do economic research--particularly for a person who is not very religious and here in a country that is not predominately Jewish or Christian.

However, I have been thinking--from a political economy point of view--about the Tenth Commandment.

The first nine commandments concern theological principles and social law: thou shalt not commit adultery, steal, kill, etc. All religions contain such rules. But then there's the tenth commandment: "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covert thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbor's."

Here are God's basic rules about how the Tribes of Israel should live, a very brief list of sacred obligations and solemn moral precepts, and right at the end of it is, "Don't envy your friend's cow."

What is that doing in there? Why would God, with just ten things to tell Moses, choose, as one of them, jealousy about the things the man next door has? And yet think about how important to the well-being of a community this commandment is. If you want a donkey, if you want a meal, if you want an employee, don't complain about what other people have, go get your own. The tenth commandment sends a message to collectivists, to people who believe wealth is best obtained by redistribution. And the message is clear and concise: Go to hell.

Collectivism is silly, deceitful, a sin. It's also cowardly. We fear the power others have over us. And wealth is power. So we fear the rich.

But how rational is this fear? Take a midnight stroll through a rich neighborhood then take a midnight stroll through the U.S. Capital. Yes, you can get in a lot of trouble in Monte Carlo. You can lose at roulette. But you're more likely to get robbed in the slums of Washington.

Not that we should begrudge the crimes of those poor people. They're just practicing a little "free-lance collectivism." They're doing what the U.S. Government does, in their own small way. Because the real alternative to the power of the rich is not the power of the poor but plain, simple power. If we don't want the world's wealth to be controlled by people with money then the alternative is to have the world's wealth controlled by people with guns. Governments have plenty of guns.

The theory of this is quite good. The robber puts down his pistol, picks up the ballot box and steals from rich people instead of from you. But the reality is different. Witness the track record of collectivism in this century: The holocaust, Stalin's purges, the suffering caused by the Great Leap Forward here.

We should quit thinking about the "wealth gap" and start thinking about wealth. Wealth is good. Everybody knows that about his own wealth. If you got rich it would be a great thing. You'd improve your life. You'd improve your family's life. You'd purchase education, travel, knowledge about the world. You'd invest in wise and worthwhile things. You'd give money to noble causes. You'd help your friends and neighbors. Your life would be better if you got rich. The lives of the people around you would be better if you got rich. Your wealth is good. So why isn't everybody else's wealth good, too?

Wealth is good when many people have it. It's good when few people have it. This is because money is a tool, nothing more. You can't eat money or drink money or wear money. And wealth--an accumulation of money--is a lot of tools.

Tools can be used to do harm. You can hit somebody over the head with a shovel. But tools are still good. When a carpenter has a lot of tools we don't say to him, "You have too many tools. You should give some of your saws and planes and nails and chisels to the man who's cooking omelettes." We don't try to close the "tool gap."

Wealth brings great benefits to the world. Rich people are heros. They don't usually mean to be but that's their moral problem not ours. Most of the world now admits that free enterprise works. Economic liberty makes people rich. But in our residual collectivism and our infatuation with equality we keep trying to get rid of rich people.

There's a joke President Reagan told about the way collectivist politicians treat rich people: A traveling salesman stays overnight with a farm family. When the family gathers to eat there's a pig seated at the table. And the pig has three medals hanging around his neck and a peg leg. The salesman says, "Um, I see you have a pig having dinner with you."

"Yes," says the farmer. "That's because he's a very special pig. You see those medals around his neck? Well, the first medal is from when our youngest son fell in the pond, and he was drowning, and that pig swam out and saved his life. The second medal, that's from when the barn caught fire and our little daughter was trapped in there and the pig ran inside, carried her out and saved her life. And the third medal, that's from when our oldest boy was cornered in the stock yard by a mean bull, and that pig ran under the fence and bit the bull on the tail and saved the boy's life."

"Yes," says the salesman, "I can see why you let that pig sit right at the table and have dinner with you. And I can see why you awarded him the medals. But how did he get the peg leg?"

"Well," says, the farmer, "a pig like that--you don't eat him all at once."

The other day The Fly put a post up about Morgan Spurlock, best known as the creator of the documentary Supersize Me, which exposed the shocking revelation that eating nothing but McDonald's for a month and not excercising will make you gain weight. Spurlock is currently working on a documentary in which he will only consume things that grow or form on his car battery, which will hopefully keep consumers aware of the evils foisted on us by the corporate whores at GM. Hopefully Spurlock will, in the near future, put out a documentary on the hazards of having sex with Magic Johnson. Because whenever I have sex with Magic Johnson, I get the impression he's hiding something from me.

Anyway, the following is a comment I left on the Fly's blog, which I thought was worth posting here:

• I recently read a quote by Spurlock that really pissed me off:

  Right now, I'm planning a trip to Cuba. I want to experience the coutnry and its people before that Pandora's box is opened there. Because you know after the day Fidel dies, the shipments of American consumer crap will come flooding in. (link)

  I had been fairly indifferent towards him before that, but the pro-totalitarian idiocy contained in that comment is just outright insane. The consumer products will not flood into Cuba after Fidel dies, unless the proud, upstanding Cubans who make up the proletariat actually want the products. To portray this as obscene, and to positively contrast Castro's authoritarian state with it, can not be described as anything else except utter contempt for the free choices and decisions of individual Cubans, and legitimization of the top-down decisions (or commandments, rather) of an unfathomably wealthy idealist with the absolute coercive power of the State at his command. And leftists say they aren't elitist...

Hat tip to WILLisms

(obscure reference)

It's a sad day. How in the crap am I supposed to get back up on the Enterprise now?

by P.J. O'Rourke (this essay is originally from the Dec. 1994 issue of Automobile Magazine)

There is no oil shortage. Experts at the Economist magazine have estimated that there are up to 650 years worth of ultimately recoverable hydrocarbons at the current rate of consumption...and price doesn't lie. Supply versus demand equals your MasterCard bill. According to Cambridge Energy Research Assosciates, if you adjust for inflation, gasoline prices are now six percent lower than they were before the 'energy crisis' of the 1970's and nine percent lower than they were in the lead sled days of 1963. In fact, in absolute terms, the price of crude oil is lower now than it was 100 years ago, when the average vehicle owner wasn't about to put it in his carriage horse.

Nor does imported oil threaten our national security. If the Chevrolet Suburban's 13-mpg EPA city driving figure leaves us at the mercy of people who wear picnic tablecloths on their heads, then what's our army for? Excuse me, I forgot. The purpose of the United States military is to invade Haiti.

What comes out the tailpipes of new cars is practically breathable. In recent testing in London, it was determined that the exhaust from the Saab 9000 was actually cleaner than the air it took in. How sad for the Wall Street punter trying to kill himself by running his Saab in a locked garage. The night wears on; he's out of cigarettes; the suicide note keeps getting longer; his wife is banging on the overhead door. "Honey, are you dead yet? The kids have to go to school."

I love all cars, if the truth be known. We're told cars are dangerous. It's safer to drive through south central Los Angeles than to walk there. We're told cars are wasteful. Wasteful of what? Oil did a lot of good sitting in the ground for millions of years. We're told cars should be replaced with mass transportation. But it's hard to reach the drive-through window at McDonald's from a speeding train. And we're told cars cause pollution. A hundred years ago, the city streets were ankle deep in horse excrement. What kind of pollution do you want? Would you rather die of cancer at eighty or typhoid fever at nine? Cars have made us richer, freer, happier people. Life is better because of cars. Cars are good. If you don't think so, try making out on a country lane on Rollerblades, you eco-weenie.

WARNING: MORE OF M.A.'S SELF-INDULGENT CRAP!

I don't really have anything important to say, but I like to do these "Hey, look, M.A. isn't dead yet!" posts when I don't put up anything new for a while. Plus, I have to type up like two pages for school tomorrow, which should be easy enough once I get started, but I really don't feel like doing it so I'm trying to stall.

So, Friday night I went with my brother to go see the UK band the Subhumans. We went kind of late, because I didn't feel like sitting through a bunch of openers (especially after all the crappy opening bands I had to sit through to experience the awesomeness that was the Dickies). When we got there there was a bunch of people sitting outside for some reason, and there was a firetruck there, but I couldn't tell why. We went in and there was nobody at the entrance to take our money, but it was too crowded to go in to the place any further and see what was going on. Then somebody said something about how there was a smoke grenade set off inside the club, and that it was uncertain whether the show was going to happen. My brother and I went outside and took a walk down Coventry (which, for those of you who have never been to Cleveland, is some sort of left-wing Mecca of the state of Ohio), and I even thought about walking down to Case Western Reserve and making a surprise visit at Fectin's dorm, but that would have been a pretty long walk and I wanted to be able to make it back in time for the Subhumans if they played. Besides, I know the building Fectin is at, but I don't actually know which dorm room is his. Along the walk we kind of overheard some punky-type kids say something about someone having set off a military grade smoke bomb in the venue, and by the time we got back we had heard someone say that the fire department was shutting the place down. So, I don't know, I think all that stuff was kind of weird.

My brother and I tend to talk about some weird crap, and we actually had this idea to start a band -- actually, like twenty bands or something. We actually don't know how to play any instruments yet, we're still sort of in the early planning stages, but we have a good concept. We're going to make up a different band for like every rock genre we are familiar with, and we're going to do a really cliche band for each of them. Our first plan -- I don't know if anyone has ever seen the old cartoon show Dino-Riders, but it was one of those awesome 80's cartoons that really only existed to help sell awesome toys to stupid kids like my brother and I, and we used to watch it all the time when we were little ones -- we were going to form a death metal band called "Krulos", named after the main villain from that show, and the vocals would be me impersonating Krulos's voice (which already sounds like a crappy death metal singer), and all the songs would be about stopping the Dino-Riders, or about Tyrannosaurus Rex's. Another idea we had was for a band called NotFX (that's a working title), which would be a whiny, nasal pop-punk band that sings about lesbians, or partying, or hating the police, or George Bush sucking. Another cool name I thought of for a cliche punk band, one which I haven't told my brother yet (though he probably wouldn't get it anyway), would be Chomsky Boilerplate. I also thought up a really cool name for a gothabilly band but I can't remember it, and now it's really starting to irritate me. Anyway, this project is still in the early stages, but I'm sure we'll have emo and screamo and hardcore and straight edge and ska and nu-punk and a bunch more crap all covered by the time we burn out our imaginations on this plan. Oh, if anyone reading this can offer us free guitar or drum lessons that would be really cool.

I might as well take the opportunity of this worthless post to post something actually worth posting, so I'd like to send out a big congratulations to my friend Chris Kilgore, for enlisting in the Marines. I've actually only met Chris in person once (he lives halfway across the state from me), but I talk to him on AIM more than I do anyone else, and I probably have had deeper and more personal conversations with him than I've had with anyone in person. Seriously, the conversations I have with most of my friends tend to revolve around things like Date Grape flavored Tic Tacs, Columbine 64 (a completely made up video game), JamMaster Jesus, magicians who "tragically set their face on fire", gay British vampires, and crap like that (and that isn't even counting the friends who I just cuss at for being filthy pinkos). Anyway, Chris is pretty nervous about going in, as would be expected, so maybe any religious AfD readers (I am currently petitioning God to get "reading Alchemy for Dummies" removed from God's Big List of Sinful Behavior) could mention him in your prayers, and hope that things go well for him. While very liberal on social issues like gays and abortion, Chris did vote for GWB in 2004, but even so he was starting to have some second thoughts about the Iraq war, even after he enlisted. He supports the cause, but he told me he was beginning to feel like it wasn't worth the soldiers we were losing over there (understandable sentiments), and was questioning if Iraq really had the potential to ever be a half decent country, though he tells me the guys he talked to at MEPS were very reassuring. This is something he has always felt really strongly about doing, and he says he felt great taking his oath to the Marines, but he is definitely worried about what he's in for. If anyone reading this has any experience in the Marine Corps, maybe you can post some words of reassurance for my friend. I wish him the best of luck, and I'm sure you all do too.

While I'm kind of disappointed that I've only gotten two comments so far to the last post, I'm gonna put up a new Angry Stick-figure Man anyway, because I love you guys. This one is special though, because it was written and produced by legendary film maker George Lucas! That's right, it turns out Lucas is a huge fan of Angry Stick-figure Man, and he was practically chomping at the bit for the opportunity to produce his own. We also have an early version of the comic, from before Lucas took it over to Industrial Light and Magic to, uh, work their Magic (TM). Anyway, we're already getting rave reviews, with early critics saying it totally redeems that ninja one, and that it really succeeds at tying all of the other Angry Stick-figure Man comics together. Enjoy!

Okay here's the dilly-o. There's a new Angry Stick-figure Man, but there were some minor uploading problems. So, if you readers all leave a bunch of comments under this post, any topic you want, there will be a very special Angry Stick-figure Man up tomorrow* (but you'll have to find out why it's special tomorrow). So get crackin' on those comments, and hopefully get a conversation started or something. Oh, and anyone who can get TUA back commenting here wins a cameo in a future Angry Stick-figure Man**.

*All promises voided if MA dies or something.
**Cameo may be stupid and pointless.

Oh man, that's good stuff!

John Hawkins has a really good debunking of the 8 major lies used by the anti-war Left (which I originally found through Poosh's blog, who incidentally has an impressive fisking of Molly Ivins up). I'm sure that other blogs you all visit have posted a link to this already, but just in case you haven't seen it, it is a must read. Especially if you are a leftist. Plus, I couldn't think of anything else to post for today.

Here are the lies that Hawkins addresses:

LIE 1) George Bush lied about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.
LIE 2) A study released in March of 2003 by a British medical journal, the Lancet, showed that 100,000 civilians had been killed as a result of the US invasion.
LIE 3) The Bush Administration claimed Iraq was responsible for 9/11.
LIE 4) The war in Iraq was actually planned by people like Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, and Paul Wolfowitz back in 1998 at a think tank called the Project for the New American Century.
LIE 5) The war on terror has nothing to do with Iraq.
LIE 6) Saddam Hussein had no ties to terrorism.
LIE 7) Saddam Hussein had no ties to Al-Qaeda.
LIE 8) The Downing Street Memo proves Bush lied to the American people about the war.

Now, I completely understand philisophical opposition to war. My politics revolve predominantly around a philosoph of anti-coercion (of course, I also happen to believe that the main necessary purpose of the government is to come down on those who harm and coerce others with the wrath of an Old Testament Jehovah), so conscientious objection to war is perfectly reasonable to me. However, these leftists aren't pacifists. They dress themselves up in pacifist ideology when it is convenient to their greater (socialist) political movement. It's the same thing with their anti-homophobe, anti-racism, feminist, and pro-environmentalist positions. For example, I have in the past stated my utter contempt for virulently homophobic "Christian" bigots, who plenty of leftists are certainly willing to condemn, but the same leftists are completely silent when it comes to chastising radical Islamists for doing far worse to gays, and will go as far as to suggest that I'm a racist for holding all racial and religious groups to the same standard of conduct as I do Christians. Another example is how you constantly hear feminists trashing Western males, but you'll never hear them support liberalization of, say, Afghanistan. Not to say that leftists don't care about these issues at all, but at least in the eyes of the movement's leaders and intellectuals these issues are really secondary. These issues are adopted to draw otherwise decent people to the perverse cause of socialism.

It should have been obvious when there were news stories out about substancial numbers of Democrats and leftists who were seeing psychiatrists over post-election depression and anxiety that a lot of these people are more wrapped up in a personal hatred for George W. Bush than any kind of reasoned political ideology. Does a single soul on this planet honestly believe that, if Clinton had gone into Iraq in '98 as he had planned, and removed Saddam Hussein from power, that there would be anything even remotely near the level of opposition that we see to the Iraq war today from the left? Hell, the majority of opposition would probably have been from right-wingers, including many who currently support the war (there's always plenty of uber-partisan party-line whores to go around on all sides of the political spectrum). Basically, I guess the point I'm getting at (it's late and I'm sleepy) is that what these leftists want more than anything is not "peace," but rather simply to see Bush removed from office in some spectacular scandal. I guarantee you that is what these people crave. That is why they latch onto every semi-Bush-related non-scandal that presents itself, and hammer them all into the ground until there's nothing left and the public stops buying it. I guarantee you a Bush impeachment is worth a million Iraqi lives to a lot of these Democrat Underground types, whether they'll admit it or not. Personally, I think it would be a pretty interesting turn of events if Bush gets impeached for something or other, but then in twenty years the history books are hailing him as the great reformer of the Middle East. By then, of course, I think a lot of the young Bush-haters will be middle age Republicans anyway.

UPDATE: Remember all of those legions of leftists who mobolized against Clinton's war in the Balkans, or his disastrous military action in Rwanda, or his assault on the Branch Davidians without serving the warrant, or his bombing campaigns and UN sanctions on Iraq? You don't? But I have a link to the news story about those protests right here! Not jogging any memories? Oh, that's right... there were no peace protests.

About goddamn time! To make up for some of my false promises and taking so friggin' long since posting the last one, I decided to provide you all with two, yes two, Angry Stick-figure Man cartoons! This one I had the idea for about a week or two ago, and drew the illustrations in class on Wednesday, then added the text in class today (I actually had to hold back a little bit of laughter in class while I wrote some of those stupid lines). This one I drew several weeks ago, and had intended to re-draw it, mostly because the dialogue came out kind of weird in the third panel, but then I decided I'm lazy and posted the original cartoon, plus I use phrases like "eat a balls" and "shut your fuck up" anyways, and people like those lines the best.

UPDATE: Come on, no opinions yet on either of the cartoons? Where's TUA been for the last month or so?

Okay, it's been kind of a weird week, as I've been stuck living with my grandma while my aunt's out of town and can't take care of her (On the plus side, grandma told me she wasn't talking to me any more. Hooray! I know she's lying, she's a pathological liar, but I can dream, can't I?). Also, it's still the middle of the week and last night I went to my second punk show of the week, and got to see the legendary Dickies! Unfortunately, Peabody's has to be the crappiest venue I've been to. I recommend avoiding it if possible, for any readers who are ever in Cleveland. Despite being a failry large venue, it was extremely crowded, and you couldn't leave for fresh air and re-enter if you already payed for the show, and they have these seizure lasers all over the stage that spin around and aim directly in your face and blink colored (though usually bright white when they pointed at my face) lights, and they charge you a buck for cup of water. Also, they had a whole bunch of really sucky, generic punk bands with boiler-plate left-wing protest lyrics who weren't even named on the bill, though I wish they were so I could know bands to avoid at possible future shows. Of course, I must admit, I had great fun making fun of all the high school age, generic rebellion punk bands with my Li'l Brudder. Plus I made the bassist for one of the bands laugh on stage, so that was kind of fun. Anyway, after me being pissed about standing through sweaty crowds of people who had no problem making out with each other directly in front of my face while I was unable to move anywhere while bands sucked all over the place, finally after what seemed like forever The Dickies came on and totally redeemed everything. So, The Dickies put on a really good show. The singer, Leonard Phillips, looks like he's closing on fifty if he hasn't passed it already, and even announced that he was getting up in years when he first took the stage, but he still put on a really energetic show. And they were friggin' funny, too! Here, quoted from memory, is one of the best exchanges of the night:

Leonard Phillips, the singer: (introducing the guitarist) ladies and gentlemen, the best Hispanic guitarist in all of punk rock!
[I think there may have been some banter here that I can't remember]
Leonard: In fact, I'll do you one better. This man is the best bisexual, semi-retarded, [some other characterization I can't remember, possibly "Jewish"] guitarist in all of punk rock!
Guitarist: Okay, wait a minute. Let me tell you all about this guy. First of all, he blew Bono back in '87. And second of all, he voted for George fucking Bush!
[there was some booing here, but not overwhelming, especially considering some of the bumper stickers I saw on the cars parked just outside]
Leonard: Okay, well I have just three things to say to you. One: You don't take compliments very well. Two: I told you about Bono in the strictest of confidence. And three: George Bush won! Mwoo-hoo-ha-ha-ha-ha! [as he does his evil laugh he raises his arms and smiles diabolically, and he gives a brief Nazi salute]
[I think there was more banter here that I can't remember, then Leonard introduces the next song]
Leonard: This next song we're about to play is an old one. In fact, it's so old [points to guitarist] that this John Kerry-Jew-cocksucker wrote it!

Effin' hilarious, man! Another great part, I don't know how many of you readers are familiar with Fat Mike, but if you're not familiar with the punk scene, basically Fat Mike is a talentless cokehead who rose to fame within the punk scene by ripping off Social Distortion, and throwing in lyrics that make the American Pie movies seem tasteful and, well, funny by comparison. He is the owner of an independant punk record label, Fat Wreck Chords, and is apparently the leading force behind the recent efforts by groups like Punk Voter to shore up the spikey-haired fifteen year old demographic for John Kerry, despite the fact that Fat Mike had never voted before the 2000 election. Anyway, a great line from last nights show:

Leonard: This next song is from our most recent LP, it's on Fat Wreck Chords. Yes, that means Fat Mike from NoFX... is my boss. How in the fuck did that happen? Oh, that's right... heroin.

Anyway, so The Dickies were awesome. Definitely one of my favorite live performances I've seen. I promise that I will soon put up a new Angry Stick-figure Man finally, assuming I don't die or something, but I need to quit setting deadlines for myself on this blog, because they always make me into a filthy liar, and liars go to hell.

On a side note, I saw a bumper sticker on a car parked outside the venue that read : "Facts are facts. Kerry won."

Wow. Just... wow.

Lee has a great post up about the free market and health care. It got me thinking about how the media is obsessing over this Live 8 crap (which Lee also has good posts on here and here), and playing soundbytes of these celebrities getting all melodramatic about their "mission". Fuck that! These people make millions and millions of dollars a piece, they do a few free shows (for which the improved status of their reputation as "compassionate" among morons more than likely is worth more to them than another couple hundred thousand dollars anyway), and we're supposed to think they care so damn much, but when people in the medical profession, people who have dedicated their whole lives to helping people and saving lives, decide they want to make a profit for their services they're condemned as greedy! I don't know about you, but I get sick as hell of being told how awful, and greedy, and selfish, and wasteful, and gluttonous me and my fellow average Americans are by people who live in palaces and fly around on private jets. I've heard "liberals" condemn the greed of Bill Gates, the Waltons, Martha Stewart, the nebulous "corporations", and for-profit health care, all groups or people who create some sort of tangible benefit to society. When have you ever heard anyone on the left condemn the British royal family for living like royalty, the Kennedys for living like Kennedys, or wealthy dictators like Fidel Castro or Saddam Hussein for living in unfathomable luxury while their people starved and suffered? Where is the condemnation of government greed, aside from the condemnation of politicians who are considered pro-corporate? Why are politicians (and kings and dictators) allowed to be rich, but private citizens are not? If anyone commits the atrocity of manufacturing and selling the products that you and I use daily and take for granted (cars, computers, practically everything inside our homes) they are condemned for their insatiable greed, but the government that taxes and taxes and taxes us, well, the recipients of those taxes are considered to have lead a life of "public service." As if the companies that produce our food and our homes aren't serving the public! Why is the vast wealth of John Kerry, John Edwards, George Soros, Peter B. Lewis, Jay Rockefeller, Ted Kennedy, Warren Buffet, Steve Jobs, Martin Sheen, Opera Winfrey, Sean Penn, Danny Glover, Bono, Madonna, Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins, Michael Moore, Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt, Steven Spielberg, Oliver Stone, Kurt Vonnegut, Ben Affleck, Alec Baldwin, George Clooney, Ed Asner, Eminem, Richard Gere, Spike Lee, Bruce Springstein, Whoopi Goldberg, Eddie Vedder, Carlos Santana, and the rest of the multi-millionaire left-wing douchebags never questioned as far as its legitimacy, and their greed? They certainly aren't villainized the way corporate CEOs (who don't donate to trendy left-wing causes) are (and not to say that there aren't plenty of scumbag CEOs, but there are good people and assholes in every walk of life, be it wealthy CEOs or high school dropouts living in housing projects). Why is it that we are willing to accept that celebraties recieved legitimate pay for their services (we might question whether they deserve that much, but we never doubt that that money came from voluntary ticket or advertising purchases paid by willing parties), while the companies that make the products we surround ourselves with in our homes, and the services we depend which we unquestioningly assume will be available to us when the time comes that we need them, these companies are thought of in abstract cartoon-ish fantasies completely detached from what their actual place is in the world, and they are condemned as mindless, soulless, gluttonous dinosaurs. Especially in the case of the medical industry, where many people assume that they should provide their services free of profit (but imagine if those same people were asked to perform their own jobs without the promise of profit).

Back to the Live 8 bullshit, I am so fucking tired of hearing this sanctimonious, self-indulgent crap from multi-millionaires who know less about the way the world works than I do (and I'm just a semi-employed college student who can't even pick a major). I think it was P.J. O'Rourke who ranted about how so many people in this country (particularly on the left) proclaim for themselves these grand and benevolent goals, goals which are practically impossible to achieve, and thus make themselves look good by advertising their terrific goodness, and they don't look bad for failing because nobody actually expects these goals to be accomplished. As P.J. says, "Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes." Nobody wants to make the small, unnoticed efforts to make the world around you a better place, but everybody wants to get in front of a camera and show the world what good people they are! Live 8 isn't about doing anything real to help Africa, it's about a bunch of egomaniacal celebrities advertising their false virtue to the world. It does about as much good for anybody (besides the participating musicians) as a "Free Tibet" bumper sticker does for Tibet. These celebrities are essentially glorified televangelists, but instead of loudly annoucing their special, bestest-friends relationship with Jaaaayyy-ssssuuuusss, they are simply loudly announcing their super-special celebrity empathy for the world's underprivilaged, which you need to be made more aware of you poor, ignorant, drooling slob.

I'll go on record right now that I stand 100% behind any effort to rid the world of every and any tyrant, dictatorship, kleptocracy, brutally oppressive government on the planet. Okay, so what? Well, I said it! I told the whole world, and anyone with a modem can come and read it and know how passionately I dislike tyranny. Well, that's fucking great! So... I can pat myself on the back. But wait, Kim Jong Il is still in power, Fidel Castro is still in power, Robert Mugabe is still in power, the Islamic fundamentalists still control most of the Middle East, all of these dictators are still firmly seated in positions of absolute authority within their own countries. Well, you can't expect little old me to be able to unseat these guys, right? I mean, I'm not even particularly physically fit, and these guys all have functioning armies defending their positions. But, wait! Saddam Hussein is no longer in power... because we sent the biggest military on the goddamn planet over there to perform the messy, difficult, and unpleasant duty of forcefully removing his regime, and made all of the unfortunate sacrifices therein. Was it worth it? Well, people are still arguing that and I can't pretend to see the future to know how things will work out, but so far it has gottent the damn job done. Do you think they could have done any better by instead throwing a big concert featuring lots of musicians who care soooooooooooooo much about removing Saddam's tyranny? Somehow I doubt it. So here we are, throwing countless millions of dollars at Africa, and the only beneficial outcome is the therapy it provides for guilt-ridden Westerners. We're doing something, right? Yeah, and all it does is help us sleep better at night with the knowledge that we at least tried. We're the wealthiest country in the world, throwing money around is easy for us. Making real sacrifices for a beneficial cause is not so easy, as is obvious from the constant moral debates, pro or con, surrounding the Iraq war. Real efforts for major change are uncertain, difficult, and often contraversial. And they require two things that all too many Westerners lack: patience and self-sacrifice.

I used to post a lot on a friend's message board where I, and sometimes Fectin, were the only right-wingers in a sea of unabashed leftism (I refuse to refer to it as "liberalism", because that term does not need to be further bastardized). The high-minded rhetoric was often enough to make a guy nauseous, and I would often respond to it by confessing as to what a selfish asshole I was as an individual. Of course, I would follow this up by defying anyone else to make the case that, as an individual, they were any better than I was. Nobody ever seemed to try to take me up on this challenge, but my point was that for all their high-minded rhetoric, nobody on there was able to claim that they made any more effort than I do myself towards non-selfish pursuits. I can at least admit that I'm a worthless asshole who knows damn well I am fully capable of doing a lot more for my fellow man, and sacrificing a great deal more of my time and efforts than I do towards benevolent causes, and I don't try to cloak myself in noble pretentions that I don't live up to as far as my personal initiatives. I don't expect others to be the saints that I am not, and that is where I differ with the left (and I suppose you could throw the stauncher elements of the religious right in there as well). Of course, I often made suggestions to the leftists on that message board as far as taking individual initiative to -- I think it was Ghandi who said this -- "be the change you want to see", and of course I was never taken up on my suggestions (which usually went along the lines of: Put down the fucking PlayStation controller, quit spending all your money on Final Fantasy games and anime, and maybe do some volunteer work on your weekends or donate that $50).

Now, our "greedy" doctors and pharmaceutical companies do a hell of a lot more to benefit society than all of the indignant leftist hand-wringing that you could muster. Okay, it sucks that they want compensation for their efforts, but it also sucks that the guy at the gas station wants compensation for a can of Coke, or that the guy at the thrift store wants compensation for that "Not My President" T-shirt, or that the guy at the communist bookstore wants compensation for that copy of Das Kapital. But how awesome is it that if you look hard enough there are people out there stupid enough to give you compensation for your efforts?

And finally, to all those poor people in Africa, starving because they don't have enough malaria to eat, or whatever, in the spirit of Live 8 I say... let them eat rawk!!

Ugh. I'm exhausted. I just got back from seeing the Reigning Sound, The Tough and Lovelies, and The Vista Cruisers. The Tough and Lovelies were the only band where I wasn't familiar with any of their stuff before seeing the show, but I actually enjoyed their set the best. The Vista Cruisers are a local Cleveland band that I really like, but unfortunately their lead singer, who I really liked, is no longer in the band, and the guitarist and bassist just take turns singing. It's not bad, but I just thought the original singer's voice went so well with the music. Anyway, if you ever hear the Tough and Lovelies are playing in your town, I would recommend checking them out if you aren't doing anything. They said they were losing two members though, so who knows, they might sound way different next time they tour.

Anyway, I'm tired and more than likely incoherent, so I'm just gonna go take a shower if I have the energy to stand up for that long, then go to bed. Goodnight folks, and a happy America is Awesome Day!

by D.I.

Weapons, weapons, weapons

M-16's, and 45's they help your country stay alive
They got the guns but we got the trigger
That gun of mine make me feel a whole lot bigger
Social dogma, you think you're safe
I think I'm losing my mind
Deal with reality deal with facts
I've got'em shooting at me I'm gonna shoot back

Cuz I like guns, and guns like me
I like guns, they made America free
I like guns, and guns are the way
I like guns

So you're lost in your lost world
Without my own weapon I'd rather be dead
People on the streets getting shot every hour
That's what Tawny Schneider said

Time to look out your front door
Blow that sucker right on the floor
Load your gun and let him have it
The right to bear arms the right to be free

Cuz I like guns, and guns like me
I like guns, they made America free
I like guns, and guns are the way
I like guns

Weapons, weapons, weapons - GO!

People on the street you think you're safe
There are little guns all over the place
They'll take our toys and the government'll have them
It's time to not let them oppress you
Time to force your life on them
Tell 'em the way cuz you know it
Tell 'em the way cuz that's your right

I like guns, and guns like me
I like guns, they made America free
I like guns, and guns are the way
I like guns

Remember

The right to bear arms
The right to bear arms
The right to bear arms
The right to bear arms
The right to bear arms
The right to bear arms
The right to bear arms

They'll wind up coming to get you

The Kallini Brothers are back online. It's a a slightly different URL folks, so make sure you take note of that and update your blogrolls accordingly.

On a different note, I am so friggin' lazy that I can't even get myself to draw a friggin' stick-figure cartoon. I told you I'm lazier than you, Sip. Anyway, I'll try to have an Angry Stick-figure Man up over the holiday weekend, since I've had an idea that made me laugh for one, and I have another one that I already drew up like a week or two ago at work but I need to do it over because the dialogue came out all convoluted and non-sensical. Dammit, I'm a terrible human being.

Mike Kole, the Libertarian candidate for Secretary of State in Indiana for 2006, and occasional commenter on this blog, is now a proud daddy!

Congratulations Mike and Ame! Hopefully little Isabel will pick up and continue fighting your good fight long after we're both dead and gone. Or better yet, maybe she'll some day get to live in the libertarian utopia that kooks like us fantasize about.